Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
