My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize