she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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