Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
