this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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