how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
