can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
