I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
