Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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