Dual....:-)
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
