i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
