Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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