I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize