Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
