Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
the raccoons are back...
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