3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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