I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Non-Jews are for practice
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
