eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
