ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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