It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
