but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
