This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Randomize
