He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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