Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
