Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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