Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
just tell him i said nine months
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize