member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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