i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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