all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
