I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
