You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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