Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
