she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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