how can u be prego again
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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