I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
