I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
