Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Sext me about skeletons
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize