We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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