your thong is hanging out like whoa
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
