Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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