I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
