My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
