He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
