I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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