My sheets look like a crime scene.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
