Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
