you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
