just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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