Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
My bed smells like the plague
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
