So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You left your phone here
Wait...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
