All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
