You were right. It hurts to walk today.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
