I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
