You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I want her autograph on my taint
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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