you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize