mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
