google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
this will be a night to untag.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
