True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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