Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
