If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
