1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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