Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
