well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
