My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
