I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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