you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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