brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
