Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I enjoy the company of your penis
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
