Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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