I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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