well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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