It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
