it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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