SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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