Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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