dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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