is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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