its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
