when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
