captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
