ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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