Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
