he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
50% drunk capacity currently
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
And then my night got REAL pukey
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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