so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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