My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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