Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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