thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
